Should Have
by kerouthestrange
Summary: There are some things she should have said. Tomadashi.


A/N: I'm not one for love triangles but dammit some headcanons hit me_ hard_. Also, in my experience grave-visiting isn't so heart-wrenching and quiet. Mostly you're trying to keep the seagulls away from the food. I'm a great child.

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><p>GoGo never had a knack for baking like their friend Honey Lemon, so it looks like Tadashi would have to deal with standard pork buns that year. She glances at the now-burnt out incense and flowers neatly laid out in front of the tombstone, which meant Cass and Hiro had visited earlier. Maybe first thing in the morning. She wonders if she ought to call them later, reminisce a little, but decides against it.<p>

With her fingertips, she lightly traces the kanji engraves on the tomb, concentrating how well they'd cleaned it, otherwise she'll start thinking about things like his birthday last year and how she'd stolen his hat and they'd almost dropped it in the candles and candles have fire fire fire _too soon_ _he would've been nineteen he would have_

She lays out the pork buns at his grave and lights the incense, kneeling down and closing her eyes and making silent prayers. _I've come to see you._

"GoGo!" a high voice chirps. GoGo sticks her incense with the others and searches for the owner of the voice, eyes landing on a tall blonde girl with big glasses, giddily waving.

GoGo simply pops her bubblegum and gives a little salute as Honey Lemon saunters over, placing a basket of baked goods (homemade, most likely) next to the pork buns. A twinge of envy hits GoGo, but she pushes it aside.

"You didn't tell me you were coming," Honey Lemon says rapidly, beaming. "We could've all gone together! Oh, I could've called Hiro-"

"They already came," GoGo explains. "They cleaned it."

"Oh, what a shame. And you brought_ nikuman_."

"They're just pork buns," she mumbles as Honey Lemon brings out her own incense and kneels. Tadashi. Pork buns. He'd brought some over once when she'd been working too late in the lab with some dumb joke about how she'd need the energy boost so she could _GoGo_ to work.

She studies Honey Lemon, who has her eyes closed. Golden hair tumbling down her shoulders. Big eyes, little nose, delicate lips. She's seen Tadashi kiss those lips and stroke that hair, and GoGo's not petty, he loved Honey and that was how it was, she was happy for them, but she can't help the pang in her chest.

"Miss you," Honey Lemon whispers. "Happy birthday."

"You bake those yourself?" GoGo asks, even though she knows the answer.

Honey Lemon nods. "It's the same ones from our first date."

GoGo just pops another bubble. She doesn't have a memory like that with him. Just the occasional get-togethers at the café and the late-night lab talks when he'd lean against the counter and just watch her work. And the spare hours he'd break her silent streak and they'd talk...

Another bubble pop snaps her back to the present. He'd loved Honey Lemon, blonde hair and green eyes and all. Guilt wells up in her chest for being so self-centered.

"What's wrong?" Honey Lemon asks, smile fading in concern.

"I..."

Don't tell her don't ruin it don't

"GoGo?"

He's dead he's dead he's dead he's dead

"It doesn't matter anymore." Her face grows hot and she feels her eyes get watery and she refuses to shut them because she isn't allowed to cry.

"GoGo... You didn't..." Honey Lemon glances at the grave, then back to GoGo. "Did you love him?"

She doesn't answer, she just stares hard at the grave, struggling not to blink.

"Oh, no..."

Honey Lemon hates her.

"This isn't... This isn't right."

Honey Lemon hates her, and rightfully so.

"He loved you, too."

"I know," she wants to scream, but it sounds like a choke instead. A tear rolls down her cheek. So much for that.

"No, no, you don't understand," Honey Lemon gasps. "He wanted you. He was in love with you."

GoGo's stomach drops.

"That's why-that's why he was with me. He loved you so much, GoGo... He tried so hard to make you notice him, but he gave up. He thought you'd never-oh, GoGo..."

GoGo buries her face in her knees, body racking with sobs.


End file.
